Your Excellence is KILLING You
Excellence creeps in the back door and takes over your entire being.
Excellence is subtle. It shows up early in our life as a child. It lures us into believing that achieving an A+ is the ultimate way to gain approval from our teacher, our friends and our parents. And when we fall short of this letter, we are made to feel less-than.
Excellence dictates the number rank with which we graduate and determines which universities will accept us.
Excellence then says “we have arrived” when we get a job working for an elite firm. Our significance is earned based on how big our bank accounts are, and what the title on our door reads.
Excellence points out if you are a winner or loser. Did you win the client? Win the race? Beat the other team?
Excellence makes us feel ashamed for failing in a marriage or a relationship. We might even feel ashamed about our looks, our weight, or reaching a certain age.
Excellence means that there is always some measure — set by you or someone else — to have to meet. This mark on your head or in your heart becomes quite heavy and even painful. Your eyes tire of scanning social media to rank yourself against what others are doing. Yet, you become addicted to the images you see and the stories you tell yourself about them.
Excellence says to be the best. Keep going. Don’t rest too long. There is no safety in rest. Your body falls into bed with partial sleep, as your head swirls with all that needs to be done.
Excellence awakens you to another day saying, “Here we go! Get up and get the kids moving (to their excellence)! Get to work on time, get all your work done, keep my boss and myself happy. Then rush a meal into my weary, not-so-active body. Maybe I can check my phone quickly at dinner, and my family won’t mind — because this is important.” I kiss my loved ones and maybe remember a long embrace, before I work on just one more thing, before collapsing into my bed that I love, but yet see less and less of.
And tomorrow, Excellence will prod at your inner being with a new nagging list... “I better start working out again — to lose weight — so I fit into my clothes — and look my best for that wedding that is coming up next month.”
Excellence compares you to the “Who’s Who” list and makes you wonder why you are not on the list.
Excellence has won at your expense. It takes over your life and causes inner stress. A disconnect that slowly kills you. Headaches. High blood pressure. Ulcers. Cancer. Heart attacks. Death.
Winning at excellence steals the joy of just being you!
Before it’s too late, WAKE UP to the one and only you who already knows that being at peace with yourself is the greatest win. When we measure excellence based on OUTER approval, security and worthiness, we discount the very significance of who we are, and who we are called to become.
In this moment, would you be willing to acknowledge and accept all of who you are right now? As is. This shift will save your life and give you the most fulfilled sense of accomplishing — because you have found your way back home. To master this practice is a constant noticing of where you are seeking enoughness from. When you notice that you are looking outside of yourself, appreciate yourself for just noticing!
Your WHOLE YES to yourself gives abundant life to you and those around you. Living your “whole yes” cancels and releases excellence and says “I AM ENOUGH!”
Give these seven steps a try! You have everything to gain by coming back to you.
Stop the chatter. Excellence never wants to stop talking. Let go of the rumination and find a quiet place right now. Move to your favorite room, go outside, or look at a flower.
Come inside. Close the door. Excellence is not welcome here. Follow your breath. Taking a breath isn’t a prize that you had to win!! Appreciate that your breath is always supporting your life. You were born with it, and it keeps you alive. Thank you breath. Thank you. Welcome a little more of your breath, as you slow down to appreciate that you are taking this time to notice this life-giving simplicity.
Take three deep, belly breaths. Start with your sacrum grounded beneath you, and feel the base of your belly fill with air — continue, as you rise with your breath — filling your chest — and up through your nose. Hold for a count of four. Exhale in a slower release of your air through your nose, chest, belly. There is no hurry. Repeat three more times.
It is normal for our brain to get distracted or caught up in our thoughts when we are practicing our breathing. Don’t judge — just notice the thought — and say “thought” to yourself. There is no need to attach to the incessant stream of thoughts that flood our mind. Let the thoughts pass by like the clouds in the sky. This is your time to come in to your breath and honor your life. Just come back to your breath each time. This practice of coming back to your breath actually grows your gray matter in your brain — as a brain exercise that strengthens it. So, even the process of coming back to you, builds you up!
Rejoice! Locate this deep inner joy in your body. Joy never leaves you. So, it is your inner friend. Remember a moment when you felt joy. Feel the experience of joy that comes from being fully aligned with your inner being. Your head, heart, and body are one. You are showing up as you — enjoy what aligns with who you are. You know what this feels like to be you — trust what aligns with you. Rejoice in the knowing! Rejoice in the feeling!
Trust you. Trust your knowing. Take one baby step in knowing your whole yes. Your whole yes is what’s most loving to you, and as you step forward, fear will be there, continue to step forward with fear and love. Embrace all of you. The dissonance you feel between fear and love is the dissonance of excellence and your genius. To come in to harmony means to trust your whole yes, coupled with love and uncertainty, while still moving forward. Because LOVE conquers fear. Using all of your intelligence that resides in your head, heart and body is your whole yes — YOUR GENIUS! Alert: this is not something you figure out in your head! There is nowhere to get to. There is nothing to achieve. It is truly and simply a matter of being still and coming inward and rediscovering who you are. Stillness is uncomfortable — and it is in the discomfort that we grow.
Discover and rediscover your Genius! You are uniquely wired with gifts, skills, talents, and passions — like no other in the whole world - in all of eternity. Stepping into the moments you are given with a pause to discern your whole yes — in all areas of your life — is a best practice to living an abundant life in every area. Test your whole yes knowing. Notice the outcomes when you only had a partial yes — and you went forward anyway. What results occurred and what did it teach you? Keep steeping into your Genius and you will attract others who are doing the same! You will have more moments of joy - because you will be living your purpose. Excellence will nag at you, scare you into measuring up, and fitting in and doing enough. Excellence belongs to the part of our ego (amygdala) that wants to make sure you are accepted, good enough, and safe on the outside. Excellence limits you. Excellence is killing you. Inner trust in your whole yes is yours to choose and master — excellence can’t hold a candle to your purpose! Live your whole yes — to create the life of your dreams.
xxoo,
Debra
Exquisite Leader. Exquisite Life.