As long as you should, have to, or need to...
October 31st, 2019
As long as you should, have to, or need to...you will not be fully you, nor create what you most want!
Notice how your body responds when you tell yourself, I have to get this done. I should respond to this email. I should know this. He should get back to me today. On and on we should, have to, need to all day. Our bodies tighten. Our jaws clench. Our mind is focused on a one way thought with an unconscious “or else” attached to the should. It quickly becomes very serious, and we don’t think beyond this pressure cooker that we put ourselves in. We lose our choices when we are stuck in should.
What is your should right now? What is the full story that you attach to this should? It usually is not fun or creative, is it? Ha! Remember, our ego-mind is not about fun. It is about safety.
We do this to ourselves automatically. We are wired this way. We reinforce this belief of have to’s, as we speak it out loud, share it with others, model this as a leader, and raise our children. We are all just hopping from one should to the next. No wonder we are tired and don’t feel fulfilled! We are not connected to ourselves and others the way we most want to be.
Should and have to are not whole yes decisions. These statements are not coming from joy and love but from fear and control. It is just a way that our mind seeks to keep us protected. You can thank your ego for wanting to keep you protected - that is the ego’s job. However, we lose part of ourselves when we do not notice this reactive mind. This is a limited aspect of ourselves showing up in the world. We are caught up in striving to be accepted, to gain some state of security no matter how small.
Let’s practice noticing these statements we make to ourselves these next two months of 2019: When we should on ourselves. With the holidays around the corner, we tend to turn up the pressure. What a great time to practice! Getting into the practice of noticing your beliefs is huge. This is the foundation to being present and having choice.
Practice this thought: What if I really have enough right now? Hmmmm. What do I most want? Breathe. I want to slow down. Deep breath again. What brings me joy and excites me? Pause. Take another few deeps breaths, and ask: What wants to happen through me? Listen. Feel. Look outside to the beauty of nature and what is greater than all of us. Take in a breath of fresh air. What does a win for all look like?
In this now moment...If I have enough and I am enough, what would I choose?
Continue on your day. Catch yourself locked in a should of any kind. Breathe. Accept what is here now. How is this now moment actually for you? What will you choose? Feel your mind, heart, and body expand. Visualize yourself lighting up and becoming more vibrant. Watch the stress in your body release, as you let go of the gripped hands of should. Appreciate all you have right now.
Let me know how your should thoughts run you. How do noticing and letting go support you and your leadership?
To your exquisite life - just as it is!
Join me in knowing yourself more, and how your flavor of should shows up. This November 15th, we will focus on the Enneagram and the ways our type takes control when we are unconscious. From our session, you will wake up to a more integrated you. Register here to claim your spot! 😃
Xxoo
Debra
Exquisite Leader. Exquisite Life.