The Ultimate Success…Much Love
To All Overachievers…
Are you growing in love with yourself, life, and your journey?
Odd to ask, maybe? And, it is the most important question for your growth in all areas of your life!
Pause. Reflect. Notice. Are you thriving (motivated by love, joy, and trust) and expanding in what your heart wants? Or are you on auto pilot, survival mode (motivated by anxiety, frustration, and lack of trust) and your heart is constricting? It is one or the other. No blame. A conscious leader is all about observing self — thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that lead to results.
So — love. Where are you with love to yourself? Where is your source of inner well being? If you are not feeling loved, it’s because you have left yourself for the world. Come back to you. You are your answer for what you seek.
Several observations in my life on love…
Growing up in a highly fear driven home — and being told that I was good only when and if… And, experiencing daily trauma at an early age… a lack of safety, compassion, and love from my parents (because they did not love themselves), I learned to protect myself in every way, in every moment. I went into overdrive to keep my mind, body, and heart safe. I became hyper vigilant! My unconscious thinking: “Keep myself safe at all costs.” I never knew when to expect danger, so I created a habit in my mind that always anticipated threats.
Looking outside of myself, I became keenly aware of how to win approval, safety, and success — at home, school, work, and with friends, which lasted through much of my adult life. The advantage of this way of being...I could read others to know what they needed, before they did. One step ahead, I believed that I could keep others happy and be seen as a top performer, a winner, a hard worker, or whatever was required to be the best. I kept striving to make the world around me for me. Yet unconsciously, my heart and body were closed, exhausted, and not open to receiving love from myself or others. I was a winner — walking around in an armor built on meaningless success — highly attached to what others thought of me. My security, sense of well being, and love were all wrapped up in a house of cards.
Seeking gold stars was my deception. Addicted to a false sense of security and approval, I pushed for more and more to get that hit of adrenaline recognition. Until one day, this pattern nearly took my life. To be the best at all costs — losing myself in the process - anxiety was my constant companion.
P.S. My anxiety was so consuming and overbearing, I was not able to be still for a single moment with just myself. I had to keep moving and achieving. Feeling the fear all the way through — to release it was too scary as it served an unconscious purpose — I kept fear as my burning fuel.
On June 1, 2013, I was approaching a finish line in a competitive cycling race. Feeling strong and confident, my last thought was, "I'm going to the podium". Instead, I woke up a month later to most of my ribs being crushed and plated, a punctured lung, a separated shoulder, and a severe, traumatic, brain injury that was expected to take my life. Placed in a coma in order to have any chance of survival, my recovery expectation was slim to none. The gift of waking up was realizing I was actually living in a coma my entire life. This accident was no accident at all!
Learning to walk, talk, and even cut my food again, I was given the opportunity to relearn the most important basics of life.
Here are my biggest learnings...
Winning at loving myself first completely, was what it was going to take, in order to heal all of me. This remains my ongoing journey.
Knowing that I’m the chooser of what I want to believe and how I want to feel and that I am responsible for all the results in my life.
Success means nothing — unless I’m completely fulfilled and have a whole yes, with my head, heart, and body. Waking up to loving my life and what I do everyday — is living on purpose fulfilling my calling. My Genius is seeing the Genius in others and how they unconsciously choose to NOT live theirs by doing what they don’t love each day. And, I now excel in supporting those who truly want to break free of their limiting beliefs and behaviors that keep them from fully living the life they love.
Being fueled by love (the opposite of fear) brings me infinite abundance and connection to myself and the world. I don’t need the approval of other people in order to give me what I most want.
Getting out of my coma, I realized that I was given a second chance at life, and that I was meant for more than achieving and winning. At this crossroads, I cried out to God so that I wouldn't miss my second chance and this time I would live a fulfilled life. My purpose is to model, coach, and teach others to wake up out of their unconscious coma, so they could live a life of purpose, too — especially for those who have become an overachiever like me.
Being aware, conscious of my thoughts, feeling my feelings all the way through, and living in the very moment is enough. The belief that I am enough and I have enough — right here and right now keeps me present. That being my best is being fully me. Learning from my results, as to when I am creating out of love or fear is now my most important work for me and for the leaders I coach. Making decisions from a place of joy and excitement brings me very different outcomes on the inside of myself and outside, now. Bringing this practice to CEOs, business owners, and leaders — and seeing them come back to themselves and the life they are called to is the greatest gift I could ever ask for.
So, practicing deep breathing — a basic and most important gift of life — has brought me back to a new center. I know I’m driven by more peace, understanding, openness, curiosity, and wisdom. In this place, I am not racing to get somewhere or win something. Being present to who I am, and showing up for life each moment versus my relationships and my results.
Choosing to love and knowing how that energy feels versus living by the automatic fear state is something that I am responsible for. No one else can provide me with a state of presence, peace, love, and calm except myself. Believing that there are three lanes in the world — and only one that I’m responsible for. My lane. Your lane. And God’s lane. I can only be the change for me, you can only be the change for you, and God is a change for all of us. Believing we are in a place of love for all holds an opportunity to go beyond what I ever could ask or imagine. Choosing what kind of world you want to live in is your responsibility.
In summary — What I believe is what I create. What you believe is what you create. I choose love and believe that love conquers fear. My thoughts create my feelings, which create my reality. It is my responsibility to determine if I want to hold on to the thoughts that I have. If I suffer, it is because of my thoughts. Joy is always here, if I choose. Love comes from me and through me.
If my thoughts are not serving me, choosing another thought is my choice always — and this choice is the most powerful change agent that we as humans have. I am the change.
So, what will you choose for yourself? What would you choose daily? I would love to hear.
I love sharing tools that you may use to support being fully you and living the life you are called to fulfill. Reach out and set a 15-minute call with me. This brings me the greatest joy!
xoxo,
Debra
Exquisite Leader. Exquisite Life.
"My Genius is Seeing Yours"